Thursday, 10 March 2011

Turn The Page

Looking back through my previous posts I have come to realise that the subtitle of my blog should be extended beyond its current "A celebration of vinyl records and the people who collect them" with the phrase "and the inherent ridiculousness of the bands who make them". I hope its apparent that all the fun-poking here is done with a great deal of affection. Having spent many years playing in bands myself (all with a very selective appeal I hasten to add) I am no stranger to looking and acting like a complete twat in the name of Rock 'n' Roll. Thank God I'm not alone.

And so to the mighty Bob Seger, seen here spinning on my turntable...

You can't tell from the picture, but the track being played is Turn The Page from the Live Bullet album. If you've only heard the Metallica cover, then do yourself a favour and check out the original in its 'live' incarnation. This is a classic track about life on tour, complete with observations on the narrow minded attitude the band encounters on the road whenever they walk into a diner after driving through the night: "Most times you can't hear them talk, other times you can, all the same old cliches: is that a woman or a man?" opines Mr Seger. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with Bob Seger's appearance, may I present this outrageously effeminate man as pictured on the cover of Live Bullet:


Not clear enough for you? How about this?

Woman or man?

What kind of hick town did the Silver Bullet Band stumble into in the Seventies? Was Deliverence filmed there by any chance? We're not talking about Culture Club or Poison here: if the locals were 'mistaking' them for women, then I think there was a fair dose of self-deception on their part. You know, the kind of self-deception that results in Western tourists 'accidentally' sleeping with Lady Boys in Bangkok. As clues go, Adam's apples and penises can so easily be missed in the heat of the moment. To give the residents of hicksville a small break, I have to concede that if the band was still wearing its stage gear when they walked into the local Dairy Queen or Denny's, it might cause them to do a double take, but a lumberjack in hotpants is still a lumberjack, he's not Kylie Minogue however much you might wish he was.

The Pussycat Dolls Take A Bow

Can I be bothered to get out the Face Fungus-Ometer for the Silver Bullet Band? The beards and moustaches are unexceptional except for the one hanging off the guy in the pink spandex Farrah Fawcett threads, but context is everything. That's another realisation I've made since looking back through my posts, the juxtaposition of facial hair with clothing is what can turn run-of-the-mill face fuzz into something quite special. Just look at the bearded guy in the tied-at-the-waist minty green number. He looks like a Quality Street that the dog's chewed and spat out.

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